Walking the dog

Posted on August 8th, 2012

LOL, this is really NOT me walking the dog :)

Maybe it’s just me, but I realized recently that my family exercise plan wasn’t working. It was a gorgeous day in June and I recklessly decided to set my shorts free from their prison in the bottom drawer of my dresser. I put them on. And they seemed a bit tight. You know, not like “I can’t get them on” tight, more like ”oh, look I have to contort myself to get into last’s year’s shorts” tight.

And then I tried to button them. And that’s when I realized it had been a while since I’d exercised. You know, like a year.  Yeah. It had been a full year since I’d done my daily walk with my teenager, my dogs and sometimes the husband, depending on his work schedule.

Yes, I’m ashamed. But I didn’t let it get me down, although it was tempting. I mean, at that point I could have just given up and gone into full-on Salted Caramel Gelato therapy twice a day, but I didn’t. And do you know why?

Because one of my dogs is a chunky monkey too. In fact, she resembled a very overstuffed sausage with a raisin head and toothpick legs.

So we began to walk. Now this would have been awesome, except we had to take the skinny dog and the teenager with us. I don’t have anything against Skinny dog and the teenager, but they both have enough energy to light up the Eastern seaboard and frankly, Ole Fatty dog and I don’t so we are always dragging behind.

Also? Skinny dog has apparently spent her entire life in our backyard making lists of enemy dogs in the neighborhood. I swear to you, we could not go twenty feet without Skinny dog running into someone she hated – which caused her to bark like a wild thing. (To her credit, she’s a barker, not a biter.)

But…the fluffy little white dog owned by the equally fluffy white-haired older woman down the street? Oh, Skinny hated her, so she barked, barked, barked at her. The beagle the next street over who barked and moaned and made weird beagle sounds whenever Skinny dog came near him? Hated. Barked, barked, barked at him as well. The curly-haired dog that looked like Justin Timberlake during his Britney Spears period? Hated. Hated. Hated. Barked. Barked. Barked.

Honestly it got kind of embarrassing. I mean, Skinny dog was getting a reputation for being something of the neighborhood rhymes-with-witch. And I was dragging Ole Fatty and myself up over hills and possibly mountains ranges (please, it totally felt like that), all the while stopping to apologize for Skinny’s over the top barking.

And then there was the teenager. Oh, I try to use our walks as quality time. But seriously, you can’t just MAKE a teenager talk. The planets have to align, he has to have just eaten, and all talks must take place in the 2.5 seconds he has between phone calls and text messages. Frankly, this is difficult. But I do manage to get some good talks in between all that and the dog barking. For example, I now know what Dub Step is. My ears will never be the same again, but I was interested and the teenager was more than happy to share his music with me.

We also walk now when most people don’t. You know, when it’s hotter than Hades out, but at least we know that Skinny dog won’t run into one of her enemies while they are out on their walks. And sometimes we walk in silence. Or maybe we are talking, but I have Dub Step-induced deafness, I don’t know.

But my shorts now button. So I’m calling that a victory.

This post was originally written for Yahoo…and just so you know, summer has not been kind. The shorts are a bit tight…

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