Leftovers went uneaten.
I know, right? I personally have not seen a leftover in our fridge since Junior started the massive growth spurt called teenager-hood. I mean, I’d heard rumors that other people had leftovers that lasted more than two minutes in the fridge – but I hadn’t seen any for a very long time. The truth is, I’d pack up leftovers from dinner, toss them in the fridge and before they even had a chance to get cold, Junior was inhaling them.
Every once in a while I’d find a stray leftover, but usually that was something Junior found icky – like a vegetable or toast from breakfast or something. And then he got sick and suddenly I realized that for a skinny kid, he sure ate a lot.
Things got so bad when Junior was ill that I ran out of Tupperware. Well, to be honest, it’s the faux, cheap Tupperware. But still. I ran out. That’s how many leftovers were crowding in my fridge. There was stuff stacked in there so high that once when I opened the door a jar of jelly leaped out of the fridge and attacked me. I would show you pictures of my incredibly full fridge, but honestly? Cleaning my fridge hasn’t been on my to-do list lately. And by “lately” I mean “since we bought it 4 years ago.”
Go ahead and gag. I’ll wait.
Anyway, Junior is back to normal. I know this because once again, leftovers are flying out of the fridge at steady pace. (Again, no photos, but really I’m saving your retinas.) Anyway, I was able to watch the teen in his native habitat (the fridge) and pretty much this is his eating schedule:
1:00 PM – Wake up (please, it’s summer)
1:08 – eat small omelet in order to have strength to shower.
1:40 – Eat large sandwich, chips and water. Go hang out with friends.
3:30 – stop back by house with friends. Eat a giant Costco bag of Doritos and salsa, washed down with half case of Coke. Alternate snack: several $5.99 pizzas and breadsticks (I believe the ratio is one pizza and 3 breadsticks per teenage boy).
5:00 – pre-pre-dinner snack of small sushi plate.
6:00 – pre-dinner snack of some cheese and large glass of milk.
7:00 – First dinner. Eat only two helpings because a) it tastes icky; and/or b) he’s feeling kind of full from the pre-dinner snacks.
10:00 – Second dinner. Eat only one helping because it’s late.
1:30 AM – Eat more leftovers, and then go to bed.
I swear to you, the boy is like a very skinny Hobbit who wears shoes. If I ate 1/10 of what he ate, they’d have to lift my butt out of the house with a crane. But Junior? Oh, Junior is so skinny he has an ass like a snake. In the two weeks he was sick and not eating, he lost ten pounds.
Do you know how long it takes me to lose ten pounds? Forever! I know this because I’ve been trying to lose the same ten pounds for exactly that long. I eat twigs. I eat berries. I don’t eat pizza and Doritos and I certainly haven’t had a full-sugar bottle of Coke since I was 10.
Thankfully, though, Junior is feeling better. We knew he had turned a corner the night he ate a second dinner. And then a third.
And now, all my faux Tupperware is where it should be. In the cabinet because the leftovers have all been eaten.Add me to your rss reader | Become a Fan on Facebook!