No, I can’t resist Halloween candy…

Posted on October 24th, 2012

I have had to hide the Halloween candy from myself. And yes, I am slightly ashamed to admit that.

Look, it’s not like I didn’t try to avoid buying Halloween candy until the very last minute. I did try that. But do you know how difficult it is to shop anywhere in October and not buy a package of Halloween candy? Honestly, you’d have to be a saint to do that. And when it comes to chocolate, I’m no saint. I am merely a human with an overactive sweet tooth.

So recently I was at Costco and I picked up a ginormous bag of candy. Now I was smart about it. I picked one that had no chocolate whatsoever in it. I’m like a total candy genius, right? Yeah, not so much. Turns out my sweet tooth isn’t very picky at all and will accept licorice, Nerds, and Starburst as an adequate substitute for chocolate. Who knew?

Anyway, I left the bag on the kitchen counter. And you can imagine my shock and horror when it fell on the ground and broke open. And by “fell to the ground and broke open,” I mean I stood on a step stool and dropped the entire bag onto the floor several times until the bag ripped and all the candy came spilling out.

Hey, don’t judge. You know that right now you’re wondering where you keep the step stool.

Anyway, after that I had no choice. I viewed this accidental opening of the candy bag as divine intervention. Obviously I was meant to eat every piece of individually wrapped red licorice and tiny boxes of Nerds in the bag. So I started eating. You can’t argue with divine intervention, folks. You can just sigh, unwrap the licorice and gorge yourself until your spouse comes home and catches you.

And yes, due to the aforementioned divine intervention, once your spouse comes home and finds you sitting at the kitchen island, surrounded by empty licorice packs, you will confess to eating 9 pieces of licorice, 5 packages of Starburst, a couple of lemonheads, some sour licorice and one box of Nerds. Or at least you will do that if you are me and that’s what really happened.

So once I saw Harry’s look of disgust (which I truly believe was mostly due to the fact that I ate his favorite lemonheads and not because I can’t control myself around Halloween candy), I realized that desperate times called for desperate measures.

So I hid the Halloween candy.

Now Harry told me I was nuts. After all, if I were the one hiding the candy, obviously I’d know where I hid it, right? Um, hello. Does he not understand that logic doesn’t work on me? I mean, I lost my glasses a couple weeks ago and I still haven’t found them and honestly? I wasn’t even trying to hide them. So who knows how good I will be at losing something when I try to do it. Right? Right?

Fine, Whatever. I am about to prove all of you wrong.

Now, first I hid it in the closet under the stairs. But that wasn’t a good hiding place. For one thing, it’s very dark under there, so I was worried I wouldn’t be able to find the candy again on Halloween. Oh, heck, who am I fooling? I moved it out of there because that’s where I keep the vacuum cleaner, so every time I went to clean up, I was taunted by an open bag of candy staring me in the face.

Finally I decided to hide it in the window seat in the kitchen.  It’s the perfect place, because I am really the laziest person on earth. And to open the storage in the window seat, you have to take about 4 billion throw pillows off of it, then the seat cushions. Then you have to lift this heavy wooden lid and dig through some other junk that I’ve hidden there to get to the candy.

And it’s worked. For two entire days I have not touched one drop of Halloween candy. You see? I have successfully hidden the Halloween candy from myself. And as a reward, I am going to dig around in that window seat and get a lemonhead. Or two. Or possibly 7. You know, because they’re small.

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4 Responses to “No, I can’t resist Halloween candy…”

  1. Gina Says:

    Best place to hide the Halloween candy- is in the big empty space in the cabinet where my crock pot used to sit ( it is on loan to a friend). The only other items in that cabinet are my “good” cookie sheets, that under the penalty of death or burnt cookies, are not to be used by anyone but me. SO since, I have all that room, and it is an off limit cabinet I keep my candy there. Oh, come on, I know many people that have separate cookie sheets that their spouses and kids can use. Even pots and pans! Why, because someone will screw up the best cookie sheets pots and pans!
    Another good hiding place for the candy- the freezer. IF you freeze it, you have to wait until it thaws before eating it, or risk dental bills.

  2. Laurie Says:

    @Gina, sadly the freezer doesn’t work. Apparently, I have extremely sturdy teeth. I don’t have separate pots and pans, but I do have separate towels. I color-code them because I’m weird that way :)

  3. OneMommy Says:

    Oh, Lemonheads! That sounds really good right now….
    I have to give half the kids’ candy away after Halloween, or it will find it’s way to my mouth…. The rest always goes on the top shelf in the kitchen cabinets, where, yes, I need a step stool to get to it.

  4. Laurie Says:

    LOL, theresjustonemommy. I am so glad to have a teenager. He’s way tooooooo old to trick or treat, so once I’ve eaten the giveaway candy, we’re out :)

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