How to plan for Thanksgiving dinner

Posted on November 16th, 2012

Somehow I have ended up being the official hostess for Thanksgiving dinner for a dozen or so people. I have no idea why. I can only assume it’s a cruel joke. Anyway, to prepare I consulted the Great Internet Advisors and found a handy little checklist that will ensure my turkey day goes off without a hitch.

6 Weeks Ahead:

Start planning your menu.
Seriously? We’re having turkey. Doesn’t every one have turkey? How much planning and forethought does that take?

Based on your menu, decide what is doable.
Nothing is “doable” unless it involves someone other than me cooking. And let me ask this: is “doable” a real word?

Invite guests
If I am cooking, we might as well invite the fire department, because I guarantee you they will arrive at dinnertime anyway to put the turkey out.

5 Weeks Ahead:

Seriously? I have better things to do. Skipping all these steps. Five weeks. Sheesh. That’s still October, people.

4 Weeks Ahead:

Do you people not have anything better to do? It’s Thanksgiving dinner, not the Battle of the Bulge. Oh, wait. Maybe it is the Battle of the Bulge, depending on your intake of pumpkin pie. Whatever. Not planning 4 weeks ahead.

3 Weeks Ahead:

Now we’re talking. Let’s see what I have to plan.

First Shopping Trip
Wait. What? Crud. Maybe I should have paid attention in weeks 5 and 4. I don’t know what I’m buying. Food? Tablecloth? Fire extinguishers?

Clean the Pantry
Omigod. This is the most dangerous job in the house. But I will tackle it.  Hey, look. I found last year’s box of stuffing. I wonder if it is still usable?

1 Week Ahead

Clean the house
Oh, you kill me, Great Internet Advisors. Do you honestly believe that if I clean the house a week ahead of time that the people and dogs that live here will keep it spotless? Please.

3 Days Before

Clean the fridge
Is there no end to the torture? Really? Some of that stuff in the back is alive. I’m not touching it.

Prep food
What food? I skipped weeks 5 and 6. We don’t have any food.

1 day before

Set table including candles
Okay, I put plates on there. However, we still don’t have any food. Also? The limits of my insurance company prevent me from having lit candles in my home.

Thanksgiving Day

Enjoy your day
Oh, I plan to. The one thing I have is lot of wine and I’m telling you, that makes everything better. Plus? I think the neighbors are barbecuing their turkey, so I’m sending Junior next door to steal it. Once it’s cooked, of course.

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6 Responses to “How to plan for Thanksgiving dinner”

  1. Carpool Goddess Says:

    LOL! Good idea to invite the Fire Department. On the other hand, you must be very proud. My family won’t let me near the kitchen, or a turkey. I want to see photos!

  2. Laurie Says:

    Yes, but Harry is cooking the turkey! So that means we have at least one edible dish :) Have a great Thanksgiving!

  3. Kris Says:

    I host, but my mother-in-law handles the heavy cooking. We cook some sides (potatoes and veggies), provide the venue, and handle clean-up. I love this!

  4. Gina Smith Says:

    Hahah! 5 weeks ahead of the holiday?! Screw that! Wait, I guess I do plan that far in advance for Valentine’s day (have to- its my daughter’s birthday), Christmas, because ITS CHRISTMAS, and 4th of July- that is always a rockin party at my house.
    You could always have your guest bring a side dish. That makes it easier. We split up the holiday meals in our family and friends. Everyone ejoys it, no one has ever complained about it.
    Setting the table equals stacking the plates, napkins, cutlery and cups. I cannot remember any holiday where evveryone sits around the table like they show on tv and movies. We are spread all over the house, and that leaves the table open for a buffet holder. The guys go the room with the biggest tv, kids where ever their mommas plant them, grandparents are in the living room or den talking and playing canasta, the women are cooking and hanging out in the kitchen. Sometimes we kick the guys out and take the tv room, leaving them with the cold garage with only one heater =)
    Clean a week before? Seriously? My house barely survives an hour before guest arrival before the kids , hubby and animals trash it.

  5. Marion Says:

    Cracker Barrel makes wonderful food to pick up and take home :)

  6. Monica Says:

    omg. you kill me. this is the first year in about 20 (yes, since childhood) that i will not host. hallelujah. i think i volunteered to bring “a pie.” so, thank you, grocery store where i will buy my pie. happy thanksgiving. i hope your wine holds up!

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