New Year’s Resolutions 2013

Posted on January 4th, 2013

This year I have decided to make some New Year’s Resolutions. This was very difficult for me, because in the past I have not stuck to any of the resolutions I’ve made. I think that was because they were too hard. I mean, I had stuff on my list like “accomplish world peace” and “stop playing Angry Birds 24/7.”

Seriously. Nobody can stop playing Angry Birds 24/7. Trust me. That whole world peace thing will happen way before anyone stops playing Angry Birds.

Anyway, because my goals were unattainable, I stopped making resolutions. Also? I thought changing myself every year was weird.  Who does that? You know, besides the rest of the planet.

But this year, I’m becoming a follower and making New Year’s Resolutions.

  1. I will only play Angry Birds once a day. Baby steps, right? I mean, if you are going to quit an addiction, you have to take baby steps. Of course, I have like 4 Angry Birds games. So that’s each game, once a day. I think I might be able to do that. Wait. I have them on my phone and my iPad. So that’s like 8 games a day. Oh, I can totally do that. I think.
  2. I will stop pretending I am not home whenever anyone comes to my door before noon and I am still dressed in my pj’s with my hair looking like a chicken danced in it. *
  3. I will actually get out of my pj’s before noon each day. As a bonus, this will help me accomplish resolution #2, because there is no way on earth that I am answering the door when I still have my pj’s on and my hair looks like a chicken danced in it.
  4. I will spend less time on the Internet, except when it is work-related, like when I am researching a column on why the Real Housewives of Whatever City are such idiotic dingle-brains.
  5. When I am on the Internet, I will read actual, real news first, instead of going right to gossip sites to see where Lindsay Lohan threw up/punched someone out/shoplifted the night before.
  6. I will listen to my husband and change all my usernames to something more difficult to hack. I am thinking of fooling all potential hackers by changing my usernames to “password” and my password to “username.” Shhh. Don’t tell anyone.
  7. I will not greet every mother of a tantrum-throwing toddler with the words “it gets worse, I have a teenager.”
  8. I will eat chocolate whenever I want to eat it. Oh, please. Even if I said I was going to quit it, I wouldn’t. So why make a resolution I clearly won’t keep?
  9. I will stop embarrassing my teenager on purpose by going into a store with him and yelling out, “I forget…boxers or briefs?” The truth is, that’s really only fun the first 100 times you do it.
  10. I will get more fruit and veggies in my diet by using fresh mint and lemon juice for all of my alcoholic drinks.
  11. I will stop vowing to lose weight and instead buy a scale that easily breaks so I am always at my goal weight.

Well, I think that’s quite a list. A few will be difficult (hello, Angry Birds, I’m talking to you) and some will be easier (I’ve already smashed my scale).  But I resolve to keep them…at least until February.

*No chickens were harmed or taught to dance in my hair for this post.

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4 Responses to “New Year’s Resolutions 2013”

  1. Kristen Thompson Says:

    RE: #9
    My 14 y/o son couldn’t find his running shorts the morning he had a meet. After he left to get to school, I went into his room and the shorts were… in the closet with the rest of shorts. I ran after the bus and when the driver opened the door I yelled in my teen’s name followed by “I found your panties”!

  2. Marion Says:

    I lOVE #10… I think I will add that to my list :)

  3. Laurie Says:

    LOL! I love that!!!!!!

  4. Laurie Says:

    Grrrr. Not enough coffee today! Meant to say:

    @Kristen, LOL! I love that! Teenagers. They almost make it too easy to embarrass them, don’t they?

    I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one in the house, but I’m positive this will make you healthy. Don’t know about your liver tho…:)

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