Girl Scout cookies might be evil

Posted on February 21st, 2013

The story you are about to read is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.*

My name is Laurie, um, I mean it’s Lori (forgot I was protecting the innocent here). Anyway, I live in the rough and tumble world of the suburbs. You know the suburbs. Places people dream about. A small house. A small yard. Clean air. Room for kids to play.

Well those ‘burbs are no picnic if you are a mom like me.

Yes, you know moms just like me. Slightly chubby (okay, fine, a bit more than slightly). Mom hair. Mom car. I draw the line at mom jeans though, just so you know. Ahem. Moving on. I have a great kid, great husband, great life.

And one very dirty secret.

I’m addicted to Girl Scout cookies. Seriously. I can’t stay away. They are like crack to me. Every year around this time, evil troops of Girls Scouts plan their cookie selling routes and they always, always include my house.

Oh, I try to avoid them. I mean, my intentions every February are to stick to My New Year’s diet plan.  But when the little girls come to my door, their little wagons piled high with all kinds of yummy treats…well, who am I to turn them down? Seriously, people. They are so dang cute – all those boxes and boxes of cookies. Yeah, yeah, the girls are cute too.

I try to resist but I can’t. So I buy them. Boxes and boxes of Thin Mints and Savannah Smiles and Dulce de Leche. And of course, I eat them. Boxes and boxes of Thin Mints and Savannah Smiles and Dulce de Leche.

And sometimes, my husband hides them from me. He’s not trying to hurt me. He’s just trying to help me. He sees me when I come down from my Thin Mint-induced sugar high. All wide-eyed and looking to score a Do-Si-Do or even a Trefoil. Shaking because I can’t even find a dang Thank U Berry Much in the pantry.

But I can find the dealers. They hang out on the street corners near my house. Oh they say they’re playing hopscotch, but I know the truth. They are waiting for moms like me. I find a cute one missing her front teeth. I pull up next to her in my mom car and silently pass her $4, all folded and rolled, my eyes searching to make sure the local workout moms don’t catch me in my shameful act. The cutie with no front teeth reaches into her backpack, slips out a box of Samoas and I take them, even though I’m allergic to coconut.

Yes, I’m that desperate.

Only one thing sustains me. It will soon be over. Cookie season will be done and gone and after I detox from all the sugar, I’ll be back to normal.  Of course, my pants size will never be the same again. But that’s a small price to pay for the deliciousness that is the Thin Mint.

*Um, and certain things may have been slightly exaggerated – but I blame the sugar for that.

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3 Responses to “Girl Scout cookies might be evil”

  1. Allen @ Funny Baby Videos Says:

    Like I was taught in school to say when someone offers me drugs, “Just say NO!”
    That is my advice to you too.

  2. Laurie Says:

    LOL. I can’t! I have no self-control!

  3. Jennifer in Reno! Says:

    I dont really like girlscout cookies – I think it’s because I was a girlscout for too long but I did let those cute little girls talk me into a box of thin mints yesterday – I went home and put them in the freezer – I bet they will still be there a year from now – unless the kids find them.

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