I don’t know how this happened, but somehow I have become the Keeper of Everyone’s Stuff. I probably should have known that someday this would be my job, mainly because I spent most of my childhood losing stuff, which I then wanted my mother to find. Consequently, my mother’s favorite lectures included #459, “A Place for Everything, and Everything in its Place.”
Anyway, I have somehow inherited my mother’s job and now I am supposed to keep track of everyone’s stuff in our house. Quite honestly, this is a thankless task – and I mean that literally. But thanks to my mom, I developed a system that included the lessons in lecture #459.
For example, for lost keys, I purchased this little handy item off Etsy.com:
Now if you look closely, you will see that this key holder contains many things…many of which are not keys. For example, we have a bright orange bumper for an iPhone4, which none of us own. Also? There are assorted key chains without keys, 3 pairs of swim goggles (sadly invisible thanks to my horrifying photo skills), a lock for a PE locker, the keys to the community pool, keys to a car that sits in the garage wishing it would run, my own car/house keys and Harry’s spare set of my car/house keys.
Have you noticed what’s missing? Yes, that would be anyone else’s keys. And that totally explains why I spend every morning helping to search for keys.
And of course, that’s not all I search for. I recently banned my husband from emptying the dishwasher. Really. I did. Honestly, the man would just toss dishes anywhere he found room. It took months for me to find the dry measuring cups. Months. I was using measuring spoons. Do you know how hard it is to measure large amounts using measuring spoons? It requires math. I don’t do math.
And once I found the crystal water pitcher behind the dish soap under the sink. Look, I don’t know if it was part of Harry’s plan to get out of emptying the dishwasher or not – but he is not allowed to empty it any more.
I have to say, though, I’m getting really good at finding stuff. I can find lost shoes (usually under the bed with dog chew marks on them), lost socks (again, under the bed with dog chew marks on them), Harry’s glasses (seriously, I once found them in the garage in a box of Halloween stuff…in December), homework (another blog post entirely), books, packed boxes from our last move, old bills, practice go-karts, gardening tools, the dogs (thanks to Harry for not closing the gate) and heaven only knows what else.
Truthfully, it’s a thankless job, but someone has to be the Keeper of Lost Stuff. Otherwise, our house would be even more chaotic. And who knows where the dogs would be?
Hey, I know I’ve been a blog slog…but tune in next week when the saga of The Keeper of Lost Stuff continues with the thrilling story “How I Hide My Teenager’s Homework Because I’m a Really Bitchy Mom”Add me to your rss reader | Become a Fan on Facebook!