The Keeper of Lost Stuff (aka Mom)

Posted on April 18th, 2013

I don’t know how this happened, but somehow I have become the Keeper of Everyone’s Stuff.  I probably should have known that someday this would be my job, mainly because I spent most of my childhood losing stuff, which I then wanted my mother to find.  Consequently, my mother’s favorite lectures included #459, “A Place for Everything, and Everything in its Place.”

Anyway, I have somehow inherited my mother’s job and now I am supposed to keep track of everyone’s stuff in our house. Quite honestly, this is a thankless task – and I mean that literally.  But thanks to my mom, I developed a system that included the lessons in lecture #459.

For example, for lost keys, I purchased this little handy item off Etsy.com:

Argh! Half the key hanger got cut off! I suck at photography.

Now if you look closely, you will see that this key holder contains many things…many of which are not keys. For example, we have a bright orange bumper for an iPhone4, which none of us own. Also? There are assorted key chains without keys, 3 pairs of swim goggles (sadly invisible thanks to my horrifying photo skills), a lock for a PE locker, the keys to the community pool, keys to a car that sits in the garage wishing it would run, my own car/house keys and Harry’s spare set of my car/house keys.

Have you noticed what’s missing? Yes, that would be anyone else’s keys. And that totally explains why I spend every morning helping to search for keys.

And of course, that’s not all I search for. I recently banned my husband from emptying the dishwasher. Really. I did. Honestly, the man would just toss dishes anywhere he found room. It took months for me to find the dry measuring cups. Months. I was using measuring spoons. Do you know how hard it is to measure large amounts using measuring spoons? It requires math. I don’t do math.

And once I found the crystal water pitcher behind the dish soap under the sink. Look, I don’t know if it was part of Harry’s plan to get out of emptying the dishwasher or not – but he is not allowed to empty it any more.

I have to say, though,  I’m getting really good at finding stuff.  I can find lost shoes (usually under the bed with dog chew marks on them), lost socks (again, under the bed with dog chew marks on them), Harry’s glasses (seriously, I once found them in the garage in a box of Halloween stuff…in December), homework (another blog post entirely), books, packed boxes from our last move, old bills, practice go-karts, gardening tools, the dogs (thanks to Harry for not closing the gate) and heaven only knows what else.

Truthfully, it’s a thankless job, but someone has to be the Keeper of Lost Stuff. Otherwise, our house would be even more chaotic. And who knows where the dogs would be?

Hey, I know I’ve been a blog slog…but tune in next week when the saga of The Keeper of Lost Stuff continues with the thrilling story “How I Hide My Teenager’s Homework Because I’m a Really Bitchy Mom”

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3 Responses to “The Keeper of Lost Stuff (aka Mom)”

  1. Monica Says:

    seriously. hubby really doesn’t need to workout at the gym because he usually does this frantic run around the house looking for his keys thing everytime it’s time to go to the gym (oh and work and anyplace else he’s headed). cheesus.

  2. Jennifer in Reno! Says:

    OMG I cannot wait to read “How I Hide My Teenager’s Homework Because I’m a Really Bitchy Mom” – sounds great!

  3. OneMommy Says:

    Don’t you love when you finally get a place for things and no one seems to put their stuff there?
    I’m the finder of all lost things at our house — even when I don’t want to be I seem to know where it is!

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