The Easter Bunny, tequila and chocolate

Posted on April 20th, 2011

It’s spring—or what passes for spring this year. Thanks to all the rain, Californians may need rowboats for their traditional Easter egg hunts. But—rain or not—it’s Easter and that means it’s time for lamb, Easter bonnets, family, unlimited amounts of chocolate and, of course, that darned Easter Bunny.

What’s the deal with the Easter Bunny? Is it just me, or is the idea of a huge bunny hopping around laying eggs just a little strange? Who came up with this idea, anyway? Did some parents in ancient times sit around and say, “You know what would go well with observing this solemn religious holiday? A giant bunny that lays eggs.” And all the other ancients said, “Whoa, great idea. Now pass the ancient tequila.”

And thus the Easter bunny was born.

Okay, so maybe that’s not how it happened. I don’t know if they had tequila back then—but judging from the Easter bunny, there was an equivalent. If you don’t believe me, look at the facts. First, he’s a rabbit. A big one. Now, I get the rabbit part. The rabbit is a symbol of spring, like the lamb.

And it has something to do with fertility—which in our house is a forbidden word since we already have one child with the energy of two thousand. In any event, I get the bunny angle. But why a giant one? Didn’t they understand that a giant bunny might be just a wee bit frightening to the average three-year old? Why not just allow a little cuddly bunny be the bringer of eggs to small children? Doesn’t that seem a little less scary to you?

And while we’re talking about scary things, let’s discuss the eggs. Look, I’m no animal-husbandry expert, but I don’t think that rabbits—even humongous ones—lay eggs. And, again, being no expert in this field, it’s just my guess that even if this giant bunny species were able to lay eggs they would not be: a) multi-colored and covered in glitter; or b) plastic and filled with mini Hershey bars.

And moving right along, did you realize that 99% of the adult population refers to the Easter Bunny as “he?” I’ll admit right here in front of everyone that I didn’t get a good grade in biology, but I’m pretty sure that even if the darned thing could lay plastic eggs, he’d have to be a “she.”

But if that’s not enough, the Easter Bunny is dressed weird. I mean, at least Santa wears a full outfit. That bunny guy is usually dressed in a vest, a bow tie and a pair of glasses. No pants. Not one pair. And yet it’s okay for him to hop around like that.

Still liking that bunny? I have to be honest, I’m not. In fact, I’m downright scared of him and have been since I was a child. Think about it from a kid’s perspective. A giant bunny comes along on Easter Eve. He breaks into your house—and nobody knows how. He’s not like Santa, popping down the chimney.  Nope, the Easter Bunny just gets into your house. Does he have a key? Do your parents let him in? Who knows?

And then the giant, pants-free bunny goes into your bedroom or the living room, lays some colored eggs and puts a chocolate effigy of himself into a basket and leaves. And in the morning, you awaken to find that he has been there, leaving treats. And then you eat the eggs—which are just as blue or purple or red on the inside as they are outside, thanks to the egg dye. And you even eat the little chocolate Easter Bunny effigy, traditionally beginning with the ears.

And apparently, no adult on earth finds this disgusting except me. In fact, adults all over encourage their children to accept that a bunny has broken into their home, laid some eggs and left some chocolate.

Excuse me, but whatever happened to not taking candy from strangers? And if the Easter Bunny isn’t a stranger, he’s at least strange. But we tell our kids it’s okay to take gifts from him. It’s just one of the many dichotomies of parenting, I guess.

On the other hand, he does bring chocolate. And, as every adult knows, chocolate makes everything better. Even if it is delivered by pants-free, egg-laying, giant bunnies. Maybe that’s why the ancients thought him up. Although, I still think there was tequila involved.

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3 Responses to “The Easter Bunny, tequila and chocolate”

  1. diane Says:

    absolutely L O V E this post! and I so agree.

    yesterday I was shushed in target because I told my girls they could pick out a game for their easter basket.


    by a mom afraid her child would put two and two together and figure out that parents all over the country are buying toys to fill their children’s easter baskets!

    hello?? how did he NOT see the dollar bins filled with peeps, chocolate easter bunnies and crap of every kind wrapped up in pastels and shapes of eggs, bunnies or flowers??

    I don’t do the easter bunny, santa, the tooth fairy or any other creepy disturbing creature that creeps into our homes in the middle of the night while we are all tucked away, safely in our dreams. in fact, my child asked me to make sure we set the house alarm, “just in case you are wrong, mom, and the easter bunny really is real!”

  2. Marion Says:

    I just want to let you know that I love your blog. My mother and I talk on the phone because I have moved away, but I call her and we read your blog together. We laugh and laugh at the wonderful way you are able to put life into words. I am so glad I came across one of your post on yahoo. You are truely a great writer. Thank you for all the enjoyment.

  3. Laurie Says:

    @Diane, LOL! Seriously? The woman is standing around Target surrounded by Easter candy and wasn’t afraid THAT would lead her child to suspect the dire truth about the Easter bunny? All righty, then.

    @Marion, Hey thank you so much. I think it’s very cool that you and your mom both read my blog.

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