Well, he did it. Junior has two extra holes in his head, which honestly I’m hoping doesn’t lead to extra holes in other places.
But before I tell you how the Great Piercing of 2011 went, thank you for all of your advice. Once the deep breathing exercises kicked in, I could see that every one of you were right. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been ((no nipple piercings were requested, thank heaven) and I was being a fuddy-duddy. Yes, I know not one person said that, but I can read between the lines. Also? That’s what Harry called me. And my sister. And my BFF. And my other BFF. After that, I stopped asking people.
So on with the piercing.
As it turns out, I am the out of touch, terminally uncool mom because I took him to Claire’s to get his ears pierced. I know. I know. I am hanging my head in shame, people. Claire’s. What the hell was I thinking?
Anyway, we get to Claire’s, where we are surrounded by Justin Bieber. Who knew this boy was some sort of idol? He’s on socks and flip-flops and earrings and makeup bags and…well his way-too-pretty-little-boy face is plastered on just about everything in the store. It’s like the 7th Circle of Hell in there.
The minute we get inside and are surrounded by the flames of Bieber lust, Junior turns to me and says, “Doesn’t Wal-Mart do piercings?” Um, I don’t know, actually and I’m too busy trying to avoid eye contact with the thousands of Bieber posters to think about it anyway. Not to mention the fact that Junior is allergic to nickel and I want nickel-free earrings which I know Claire’s carries. Also, we live in a small town. How many piercing places could we possibly have?
So Junior picks his poison, er earrings, and then the ear-piercing lady brings out the gun. Fortunately, she’s used to idiot boys who think they are all that and then become squealing balls of mush once the earring is shot into their ears, so she doesn’t bat an eyelash when Junior yells like she shot him in the head with a 50 .cal bullet.
For the next ear, I try sitting on him, but apparently the ear-piercing lady doesn’t think that’s a good plan. Instead we go with the tried and true mommy trick: bribery. As in, we will go to In-n-Out Burger after the piercings. And yes, I know I am bribing a 15 year old, but at this point, I’m getting panicked breathing because I swear to you all the pictures of Bieber have moving eyes and they are following me around the store. It’s creeping me out. Also? I’m thinking Bieber is too pretty to be human. Probably, he escaped from Roswell. Or possibly Canada.
Fortunately, the other ear burning takes away from Junior’s pain. Not to mention that he wants to get the heck out of the store before someone sees him. And I think I’m embarrassing him by saying things like, “It’s hot in here. Is it hot in here? Is that picture following me? Omigod, those socks are watching me.”
We left pretty quickly, in case you were wondering.
And it did appear that everything was going well. He had earrings and a burger, what more could anyone want from life? Also, I was free of the Bieber mania of Claire’s and that icky feeling of having someone spy on me from afar was pretty much gone.
So it was a great surprise the next morning when Junior came down the stairs and got into the car, dressed in a sweatshirt. Especially since it was a warm day already. Turns out he wanted to wear his hood over his head. To hide the earrings.
Sigh. You know, I’m starting to think I’m the normal one and he’s insane. Oh, and it turns out we have another piercing place. Inside a head shop. Yeah, who knew we had one those? I’m pretty positive there aren’t any Bieber posters in there though.Add me to your rss reader | Become a Fan on Facebook!