Mr. James F. McCann
One Old Country Road
Carle Place, New York 11514
Dear Mr. McCann
You know, I feel like I should call you Jim. After all, I have developed many close relationships with your company in the past two weeks. And I must say, your customer service representatives are incredibly polite, even in the face of a woman who is completely and totally pissed off at every single one of them.
Let me explain, Jim.
You see, I am a long time customer of your company. I like your company. Heck, I saw you on Undercover Boss and I even like you. You know, until two weeks ago. Now I hate you and your company with the fire of a thousand suns. Or maybe two thousand. Frankly, I really, really think you guys suck.
Two weeks ago, I ordered arrangements for my mother, my grandmother and my mother-in-law for Mothers’ Day 2011. Now I’ll be honest here, Jim. Ordering flowers is pretty much a no brainer for Mothers’ Day. Truthfully it’s kind of a cop out. And yet, it’s probably a very busy day for you, if not your busiest, so I’m not alone in my “I don’t know what to buy Mom, so I’ll get her flowers” solution.
The good news is my grandmother and my mother in law got their arrangements and they loved them. Loved. Loved. Loved them. Sadly, my mother received nothing. Needless to say, she didn’t love, love, love that.
So I called. And I tweeted. And I got very prompt responses and many, many apologies. And I got a promise that my mother’s flowers would be delivered on Tuesday, May 10, 2011. And then I got a call from customer service. Apparently, I had ordered 2-dozen roses with a vase to be delivered, but that wasn’t available. So your rep was willing to send 1 dozen roses without a vase.
Really, Jim? Do I have to tell you how uncool that was? Very uncool, Jim. Very, very uncool. After a brief discussion, where I may have raised my voice to a level my husband calls “glass shattering,” your rep agreed to send out 2 dozen roses with a vase. Good call on his part.
So Tuesday May 10, 2011 came. And Tuesday May 10, 2011 went. And sadly, not a flower was sent. <===== See that, Jim? That’s an attempt to show you that although I hate your company beyond words, I still have retained my sense of humor. I just want you to know that because usually I’m a nice, funny person.
On Thursday, May 12, 2011 my mom told me that she hasn’t received flowers. My mom is sad, Jim. Her oldest daughter sent her nothing. Nothing. On Mothers’ Day. Can you imagine that, Jim? She gave birth to me. She didn’t kill me when I was a teenager and I’m positive, Jim, that she was sorely tempted to shoot me and hide my body in the backyard. Those were not good times for us, Jim. And yet this woman, who should be considered for sainthood got nothing on her special day. So I called again. And I tweeted again. And I got many apologies.
But this time something very cool happened. I was offered an upgrade on my mother’s bouquet. For free! Free! It was like heaven. And the best part? It would all be delivered on Friday, May 13, 2011.
So Friday, May 13, 2011 came. And Friday May 13, 2011 went. And sadly, not a flower was sent.
So on Saturday, when my mom told me she didn’t get any flowers, I called again. And do you know what happened, Jim? The customer service rep told me that I couldn’t speak to a supervisor because the supervisor was busy. So he offered to put me on hold for an undetermined length of time. Really? Really? So I requested a call back.
So I gave my phone number. And an hour came. And an hour went. And sadly, no call back was sent.
So here we stand, Jim. My mother has no flowers. I have given the woman who gave me life absolutely nothing for Mothers’ Day. Frankly, Jim, I feel horrible about that. But you know what, there is a bright side, Jim.
Because next year, I’m using ProFlowers.
P.S. Guess what, Jim? I called again and spoke to Ted Ireland, #2026. And guess what else? He yelled at me, then hung up on me. Oh, Jim, these are glorious days, aren’t they? Your customer service reps just rock. You should be proud. <======= That’s sarcasm, Jim. Just in case you were wondering.