I think this might be our last letter. I just want you to know, Jim, that I feel so much better about you now. I mean, in another life if you weren’t a big CEO who didn’t know I existed, we could be…acquaintances. Or possibly friends of friends of friends. Or, more likely, acquaintances that have friends who have other friends in common.
Anyway, our relationship aside, Jim, I just wanted you to know that my mother received her flowers yesterday. According to her, they are stunning. 24 multicolored roses in a silver vase. I wish I had a picture, but sadly, my mother suffers from technophobia and is the only person on the planet who uses her iPhone 4 as a simple phone. In any event, I know it was a long, difficult road to this place…and I don’t just mean my mother’s home, Jim.
Oh sure, your employees said that was part of the problem. Apparently they aren’t used to delivering to towns in Texas so small, they have to share a zip code with three other towns. But I never thought that was the reason why my mom didn’t get her flowers, Jim. Mainly because my grandma lives next door and she got her order on time. You know, for Mothers’ Day. <===== Oops, Jim. That was sarcasm. Sorry. I didn’t mean to be sarcastic, especially since my mother finally got her flowers.
Anyway, Jim. Let’s move on. After all, that’s just water under the bridge, right? Even though it took nearly two weeks, many irate phone calls, and several empty promises to get my mother her roses, your company finally pulled its figurative head out of its figurative butt and got my mom some flowers for Mothers’ Day. I guess the fourth time really is the charm.
But now, Jim, I have to be honest with you. After the many calls, the many promised deliveries and the phone call where the rep hung up on me, (for saying the word “damn” as in “my mother hasn’t received her damn flowers”) I feel like I should be honest with you, Jim.
There is no way in hell that I am ever ordering one damn thing from your company ever again.
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