We took a spontaneous vacation over Labor Day weekend.
Now this is big news for us – because honestly? Spontaneous is not a word normally associated with my family. But we booked a condo to a place we’d never been, because that’s what you do when you are trying very hard to be spontaneous. Also? It turns out that being spontaneous over Labor Day weekend is difficult because most people book well in advance. So you take what you can get and that’s exactly what we did.
Anyway, once we arrived, we immediately asked the front desk for new and exciting things for all of us to do. And that’s when I discovered that my husband and son were taking this whole “let’s be spontaneous” thing a bit too far.
Because you see the front desk lady told us about all kinds of interesting things to do. Things like cave exploration. And hiking. And riding a zip line. Worst of all, she never mentioned shopping. Look, I’m happy to be spontaneous, but I want my spontaneity to include a bit of retail therapy. Turns out, there were no malls near us. Do you see the sacrifices I make for my family? I was being spontaneous, something that doesn’t come easily to me. And I was doing it without a shopping mall nearby.
Not to mention that I don’t do things like explore caves. That requires physical exertion I reserve for shopping malls or pretending to work out. Also? Caves are underground. I don’t even go into basements. Sure, I may go underground once in a while, but really that’s only if someone has a wine cellar.
And then there’s that whole hiking thing. We were in the wilderness. And everyone knows that the wilderness has wild things in it, including snakes. I have had several unpleasant encounters with snakes. I do not like snakes. So I do not put myself into their territory. In return, I expect them not to bite me. Or rattle at me. Or even be within 100 yards of me. I don’t think this is too much to ask.
Oh, and riding a zip line? In case you haven’t heard of it, riding a zip line means you go about 200 feet up in the air, strap yourself to a cable and slide down the cable about 1500 feet. Supposedly, this is a thrill. But let’s be real. This is an activity that requires you to sign a 2-page waiver agreeing not to sue if you die. Maybe it’s just me, but when you sign away your rights because you MAY DIE, it seems the activity might be just a bit dangerous.
Of course, that’s why Junior and Harry immediately wanted to ride the dang zip line.
So we went to ride the zip line. And by “we,” I mean all of us, even though I was clearly not in favor of risking anyone’s life just to hang literally by a thread in the middle of a bunch of trees. In fact, I only agreed because I figured that somehow, somewhere along the way we might see a previously undiscovered mall. Or possibly a small gift shop. Oh, heck. At that point I was even hoping for a garage sale.
So we got to the zip line place and Harry and Junior eagerly filled out all the paperwork that basically said that if they die, it’s nobody’s fault but their own because only idiots with a death wish would ride the zip line. Obviously, once I saw that form, I decided to stay on the ground. Then Harry and Junior put on pounds and pounds of safety equipment and were driven to a tower in the middle of the wilderness to wait patiently for their turn at 30 seconds of terror.
Turns out, they weren’t terrified at all. They loved it.
I was a bit jealous, if you want to know the truth. So after that, I agreed to go explore a cave. And it turns out that didn’t require filling out any death forms. In fact, it was really fun, even though there wasn’t a wine tasting at the end. There was, however, a gift shop, so everyone was happy.
And just to prove we are a very spontaneous family, Junior drove home. On a holiday weekend. On I-5. Probably we should have filled out some release forms for that. Because that was the most frightening part of the weekend.
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