We are here today to officially say goodbye to the microwave.
Our family first met the microwave, which we lovingly nicknamed The Zapper, in 2007, when we moved into this house. The Zapper was already here, a clean, unused appliance in a sea of clean, unused appliances.
We were to later discover that all of the appliances in the house were clean and unused because not one of them was plugged in. Or properly installed. Oh sure, the ceiling fan in Junior’s room worked. Sadly, we only found out that it was not properly installed either because 5 minutes after it started whirling around, it dropped from the ceiling onto Junior’s bed.
But unlike the rest of the appliances in the house, The Zapper became our friend.
It sat in its little cabinet niche and waited patiently for us to slam something inside. And it never judged us. It never looked at the mixture of Chinese leftovers with some French fries tossed on top and refused to heat it on the grounds that it was a disgusting mixture.
The Zapper never protested when it defrosted chicken breasts. Or bacon. Or every morning when it warmed up water for the dogs’ food so they could have a bit of gravy in their kibble.
But yesterday, The Zapper passed on to that Great Kitchen in the Sky. It was doing its job – microwaving some brown rice because I was attempting to cook. And yet, that proved too much for The Zapper. Once the rice was done, so was The Zapper. And, befitting, it did not judge. It just fell silent and refused to heat any more.
So this morning, there is no gravy for the dogs. And at lunch, I will not reheat the Chinese food. But we will say thank you to our friend, because in all honesty, we would have starved without it.
Goodbye Zapper. We will miss you. Mainly because eating cold Chinese is really, really disgusting.
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