Good Lord, Barbie, what have you done?

Posted on October 20th, 2011

Um, see this pic? That’s Barbie. Specifically that is Tokidoki Barbie. She’s just like any other Barbie, only she is sporting pink hair, tattoos and apparently every piece of Betsey Johnson clothing ever made for an 11-inch doll*. In fact, if you took away the pink hair, she would resemble the real Betsey Johnson. And the animal/cactus/thing she’s dragging around on a leash is named “Bastardino.”

Yeah. I’m so not kidding about the name. Incidentally, it’s Italian for “little bastard.”

Now, it is just me or is Barbie trying too hard? I mean, really. What happened to her other animals? Where is her cat Marshmallow? Or Noodles? And how did she progress from naming her animals after food to naming one Bastardino, a word many little Italian girls probably can’t say in front of their moms? As an Italian-American woman, I can tell you I would still get in trouble for saying that in front of my mom. And hello? My mom was not afraid to use soap if she heard us say something inappropriate. To this day, say the word “Dove” in front of me and I taste soap.

As for the clothing – well, I’m sure dressing like a princess most of the time is a drag. I mean, there’s only so many ballgown/tiara/sparkly shoe combinations that look right for your average day spent in a little girl’s closet. And let’s face it. Barbie’s worn a lot of different fashions over the years, including bathing suits, cheerleader outfits, and scrubs. She was bound to find her inner Betsey Johnson at some point in time. So I can hardly blame her for dressing in skulls – but this seems like a fairly drastic change for a 52-year old.

Of course, the pink hair is probably nothing new. Please. I know I wasn’t the only girl who dyed Barbie’s hair with food coloring and gave her haircuts.

As for the tattoos, well I must say those are the girliest tattoos I’ve ever seen. Here’s the thing with tattoos. I don’t mind them at all, as long as they are nicely done and they aren’t on someone’s face (unless you are Mike Tyson; in his case facial tattoos are fierce and I’m not just saying that because he scares me with or without a tribal tattoo on his cheek). But Barbie’s are kind of cute and girly. Also? Unlike the rest of us, her weight never changes and she will never get all wrinkly. So even if she is 52, she doesn’t have to worry that the neck tattoo will someday be down around her knees.

But the best part of Tokidoki Barbie? Her name. Try saying that really fast 5 times in a row

*Tokidoki Barbie is not made by Betsey Johnson. She’s by an artist named Simone Legno. I think Tokidoki Barbie looks like Betsey Johnson, but it’s important to note that I wear blue jeans every single day because I don’t know how to match my clothing with anything else. So I’m not a good judge of anything stylish.

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