The Horrors of Teen Shaving

Posted on March 2nd, 2010

The other day, my 14-year old son asked me if he should shave the tiny, blond mustache that is barely visible on his upper lip. I said no. Actually, I yelled it. Now, I know that seems like an extreme reaction. But you have to understand that we have had bad shaving experiences in my house.

Take the time my son shaved his head. Yeah. His head. He was 8. And apparently it wasn’t a fashion statement. And no, it wasn’t a protest against me or the establishment or anything else. He just had nothing better to do with his time. So he shaved his head.

And it was probably all my fault.

You see, after a long afternoon in the pool, I sent him to the shower while I made dinner. Unfortunately, he couldn’t use his shower since we were putting tile in his bathroom. So he used mine. Now I took the razor out of the shower and told Junior not to use it.

My bad. See, to an 8-year old saying “don’t touch,” translates to “this is a really cool tool and you should use it to shave the back of your head the minute Mom leaves the room.” So Junior did exactly that. Actually, I think he started on his legs first. He’s a very hairy kid. So he shaved his legs and then started on the good part. The back of his head.

And then, to make matters worse, he actually got out of the shower, disposed of the hair, got his pajamas on and came to the dinner table. He sat down, he ate, he conversed. He was even suspiciously polite and charming—frankly, I should have been tipped off that something was amiss when he burped and then APOLOGIZED without me prompting him. But no. I actually thought maybe, just maybe all the lessons about manners were actually getting through to him.

Again, my bad.

It wasn’t until he did something really extraordinary—he took his plate and placed it on the counter AND asked to be excused—that I caught a glimpse of his freshly shaved head.

And screamed.

I’m sure you heard me. I’m certain that people in 40 miles away heard me. In fact, that scream may just be known from now on as the “Scream Heard ‘Round California.” Because it was loud. And shocked. And horrified. You see, my son did not shave a little part of his head. No, he took most of the hair on the back of his off. Clear to the top. And because I had just changed the blade that morning—he was bald. Bald as a baby’s butt.

Right after the scream pierced the air, Junior realized his mistake. He slapped a hand to his bald spot and said, “Do you like it?” He even had a hopeful little grin on his face.

How was I supposed to answer that? “Yes, dear, I think you look excellent with a large bald spot in the middle of your head.” Or maybe, “You can’t even see it, despite the fact that your scalp is completely white and your hair is nearly black.” But instead of answering, I marched him into the bathroom and showed him the back of his head.

And then it was Junior’s turn to scream.

Okay, I admit there was a bit of satisfaction in his horror. But in the meantime, it was nearly 7:00 and I knew I had to find someone out there who could fix my son’s head. So he went to get dressed. And that’s when I noticed his legs. They were also smooth as a baby’s butt.

But you know, we did manage to find a hairdresser. And she did manage to make his hair look okay—but really, really short. But the best part happened a few days later. That’s when the leg hair started growing back. And itching. And it taught Junior once and for all that when I say “don’t touch the razor.” I mean, “don’t touch the razor.”

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15 Responses to “The Horrors of Teen Shaving”

  1. RazWar.com – Pay The Right Price For Shaving Products | Startup Websites Says:

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  2. Arlene Vandebrake Says:

    I really appreciate what you write on here. We try and visit your blog every day so keep up the good articles!

  3. barbara Says:

    This made me laugh out loud! I swear every kid has to go through one of these experiences. My daughter at eleven decided to cut her own bangs the morning before picture day. Of course they turned out fabulous! didn’t buy those pics.
    My baby brother had the longest curly lashes and girls would comment on how cute he was, so when he was twelve he decided to cut them. My mom had one of those screaming fits too when she found him in the bathroom trimming them with scissors.
    Kids–they’ll give you a heart attack:)

  4. Laurie Says:

    Hi Barbara! Oh the long lashes! Why is it that boys have them? I’m stuck with little stubby things I smother in pounds of mascara and my son has gorgeous long things he hates.

    Thanks for reading :)

  5. pixielation Says:

    That is hilarious – the best part was the smooth legs. I snorted coffee everywhere!

  6. Laurie Says:

    Hi Allison,

    Yeah, the revenge was when the hair grew back in :)

  7. zephyr Says:

    that sounds so familiar. hilarious stuff!

  8. how to maintain healthy skin Says:

    Nice post!You should have way more subs than this =(

  9. Barbara Says:

    Well unfortunately my 8 year old son has just about shaved his head bald a little while ago. He is in desperate need to find out how long it will take his hair to grow back so that the kids won’t make fun of him at school.

    The sad part is that we just had went to the hairdresser and had his hair cut. So I’m afraid that there may be no fixing to what he has done, we shall see when his dad gets home. He’s the expert in that in area. However as you said, his is also bald as a baby’s butt!

    He even cut himself in a few spots that will now have to heal and is experiencing terrible razor burn. I put some Neosporin on the cuts and even the bald spots that would have razor burn to try and ease his pain.

    He is terribly upset at what he has done and is now terrified that he may have cut some of the hair follicles out and have to deal with baldness for the rest of his life.

    So any info or suggestions on how I can help him cope through such a tragic experience for him then please let me know ha ha.

    Oh I almost forgot to mention, we came online in search of hair follicle pictures to educate on what he MIGHT have done. Then done a search to see if any others had been in the same predicament. So glad to have came across your story!

  10. Laurie Says:

    LOL! Why can’t boys be like girls and just cut their bangs off? I can’t believe the number of boys who shave their heads. And to think they’ll be the ones taking care of us when we are old :) Good luck. It does grow back!

  11. Lialla Igneb Says:

    Great discussion. And I REALLY like that you practice what you preach. That’s when you can tell a post has come together.
    And I’m also fascinated by how fresh you made the routine [admit it: what you just shared has been regurgitated millions of time. ;-) ].
    Ben Johnson said people don’t need taught as much as they need reminding.
    Good work.

  12. Lauren Says:

    Thank you so much for posting this! I just discovered your blog today and already I am preparing for when my son is a teenager. It won’t be for another 11 years, but apparently I need to get started now and he already eats everything!
    And now I know to hide the razors. Anthony has gorgeous blond, curly hair that has yet to be cut (he’s still just a toddler and I don’t see the need :D ) and I don’t want him to shave it off and it grow back straight!!!!

    But of course my husband and all of his buddies would love for this to happen. They think he needs to have a shaved head because he is a boy….whatever!

    Again, thanks for posting! You are a tremendous help!

  13. Ed Says:

    Funny stuff. My wife decided to cut our sons hair because he wouldn’t sit still in the chair.. Long story short, she cut the top of his ear off. Yup, it’s flat as a table. He never moves now when they, not her, cut his hair. He will not let his mother near him with shears.

  14. Laurie Says:

    LOL. Hey if my ear were cut off, I’d run from the shears too!

    What is it with the shaved head look for guys nowadays? And that whole faux hawk thing is rampant in Junior’s school. Seriously. It’s weird. They look like hairy sharks.

  15. blogging Says:

    what a wonderful way to start blogging

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