And yet, if you look to the right of my coffee, you will see teeth. Those are not my teeth. (Really? Did you for one minute think they were?) In fact, those are a set of teeth my son has probably had in one of his drawers since he was six years old. The most disgusting part of these teeth is not that they’ve been sitting in a drawer for nearly 10 years – but the fact that they’ve probably been in a hundred different kids’ mouths and have never been washed. Gives me the heebee jeebees just thinking about it.
So this morning, when I am bleary-eyed and not super-awake yet, I come downstairs. I pour myself a nice cup of coffee. Now it’s already kind of a pissy morning because I can’t find my slippers and we have very little carpeting thanks to Harry and Junior’s allergies. So my feet are totally freezing. Anyway, I fill my cup with coffee and my toes start to unfreeze just from the scent. Ummmmmm. I reach up to the cabinet and put my hand into the canister where I keep my faux sugar and pull out these teeth.
And I have a heart attack right then and there.
I swear to you, I cannot function this way. I am too dang old to be scared witless before I have one sip of coffee in my system. Seriously? Seriously? Do you know what it’s like to reach into a sugar canister and think you are going to touch a packet of Splenda and then you touch old, rubber teeth?
I am so going to get that child back. I don’t know how. I don’t know when. But that boy should be on alert. High freaking alert.Add me to your rss reader | Become a Fan on Facebook!