So this nerd walks into a bar…

Posted on April 26th, 2012

Not my actual nerd, but a reasonable facsimile

So this nerd walks into a bar…

And apparently, some woman tries to pick up on him. Yes, that nerd was my husband and yes, this is his story and he’s sticking to it.  Last night, while watching hockey with a group of his nerd friends after work, Harry had a woman hit on him and frankly? He won’t stop talking about it. I think it might be the most exciting thing that’s happened to him since…um, ever.

Anyway, so when he got home last night, he couldn’t wait to tell me what happened. Here’s our actual, real-life conversation, but I did leave out my eye rolls.

Harry: So you won’t believe it, but a real woman hit on me.

Me: I told you that Barbie isn’t real, no matter how much you think she talks to you.

Harry: Seriously, Laurie, it was a real woman.

Me: um-hm. And what did she say to you?

Harry: She said ‘thanks for asking the bartender to put on the hockey game.’

Me: She wasn’t picking up on you, she wanted to watch hockey,

Harry: No, after that she picked up on me. She asked if I would be watching the game for a while because she had to make an appearance at a party.

Me: So she’s a stripper?

Harry: I don’t think so. She asked where I worked and I told her. Then she asked what I did and I told her.

Me: And what were the other nerds doing while this was going on?

Harry: Mostly laughing. BUT QUIETLY AND IN AWE. (Yes, he said this in all caps.)

Me: All-righty. So then what happened?

Harry: She said she had engineers working under her.

Me: That was her pickup line?

Harry: Yeah. It’s been a while since I’ve heard a pickup line, but I’m pretty sure that was it. Then she said she’d come back after the party and she hoped I’d be there.

Me: And what did you say?

Harry: Um, I said I had to go home to my wife and child who were probably waiting in the rain for their big, strong man to come home and make sure they were fed and taken care of.

Me: (snort) Right. So big, strong dude, what did she look like?

Harry: Um, blond? I think. Maybe in her 30s or 40s. Female. The point isn’t what she looked like. The point is she picked up on me.

Me: Yes, baby, of all the nerds in the bar, you are the sexiest.

Harry: Yeah, I am. It’s because I don’t have an overgrown beard.

Me: Obviously.

Harry: And no beer belly.

Me: Yes, that martini gut is super sexy. And much more sophisticated.

Anyway, by this morning, my husband’s super ego had blown this encounter into the following conversation he had at breakfast with Junior.

Harry: So a gorgeous woman tried to pick up on me last night.

Junior: Right, Dad.

Harry: She was gorgeous. And 30. Maybe younger. Maybe in her 20s.

Junior: I think you need to wear your glasses more often.

Harry: Wait until you’re an old guy like me. We’ll see if anyone thanks you for putting the hockey game on in a bar. She was blond.

Junior: Yeah. (leaves for school)

Harry: (yelling as Junior leaves) And gorgeous. And young. Maybe even younger than 25.

Me: Sweetie, she was probably 90 but had a lot of Botox and fillers. Did her lips look like fish lips?

Harry: I’m going to work, where I will be King of the Nerds because I had a woman try to pick up on me.

Me: Awesome. Your majesty needs to be home early and bring dinner.

So now you know what happens when a nerd walks into a bar.  Or at least what happens when my nerd walks into a bar.

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